What I've Been Reading

For the last month or so, I 've been participating in the Incourage Bloom Book study of  "Let's all be Brave: Living Life with Everything you Have" by Annie F. Downs.  May I first just say that this book and the way that Annie writes...I am pretty sure we could (and possibly should) be best friends.  What talent to be able to write with such a warmth, casualness, and that ever-present sarcastic tone that caused me to feel as though I was sitting around a dinner table, drinking a glass of wine, and listening to her reverberate to me "be Brave, Kelsey, just be brave!" I'm not sure if Annie F. Downs would be drinking a glass of wine with me, but I think she'd be okay with me having a glass.  Plus, her giving me the GPS of each chapter sealed the deal that I could become her stalker - but it also made me feel like I was a part of this writing.  I wasn't sure what the coffee shops looked like, but I sure could envision them (especially the "Dark Side" of Portland Brew in the chapter "Everything you Have").

Besides just finding Annie F. Downs completely lovely, her book resonated deeply with me.  The first few chapters, I was riding in the backseat with my son, Max, as the rest of my family was headed home from a day of shopping.  As he slept, and my mom drove, I read.  And cried.  And cried. And cried. Perhaps I didn't know it prior to my reading this book, but I am in a stage of life where I am certainly being called to bravery.  Now that I'm on the other side of this book, I sure wish I had more clarity on how and when and what exactly my brave is needing to be, but I know my reading this had a purpose. 

In the chapter titled Believe, Annie states "you haven't sinned your way out of your calling, and you haven't lost your chance to make a difference for Christ" (p. 45). The opposite is something that Satan whispers to me quite often: that I'm all used up and there isn't anything that God can use me for now.  Annie talks about knowing deep in my "knower" that I want to be brave.  That is exactly what Satan wants me to ignore...and thus those "used up" lies are fed to me in those quiet moments in not-so-quiet ways.  Perhaps part of my being brave is just knowing that I'm going to choose to walk in believing that I can still be used. 

Below are a few quotes that meant a great deal to me that were focused on during the videos on the Incourage website. 

I could spend a bit of time reviewing quite a few different portions of this book, but I am going to focus on 2 areas that really meant a lot to me.  In the chapter "Everything you Have,"  Annie talks about a specific topic that is close to her, despite it not being her desire.  She wrote of how God had called her to write about her singleness even though it was an area she had not wanted to delve into.

 Although I am not "always been single"  I am single again, again.  I've started blogs before, wanting to write about what it's like to be a single mom, and I just couldn't get anything out.  After reading this chapter, I get that it wasn't my time to be writing about being a single mom.  Maybe it won't ever be my time to write about being a single mom (though with my intention of being a 'forever' single mom....I'm looking up to the heavens right now muttering "It would sort of be a waste Lord to not use this..." but who am I to say). On page 160, Annie writes that she is living a life that she had never planned to be living.  Same story, sister. I truly never intended on having all this history to me and to not have much to show for it (other than Max and my story).  Some days it stinks and shame presses against me.

However, this ties into the 2nd chapter that meant a great deal to me -   "Why".  The idea of being a trailblazer on this course that I am on.  This course that so often feels like I am in this jungle completely surrounded by overgrowth.  The visibility is 0.  I don't know how to do all of this.  How to be a single mom raising a boy to be in love with Christ.  How to revolutionize a community.  How to possibly change careers.  How to be a single mom and somehow home school my child.  There are so many trails that I feel like I am traversing on currently.  That I could be a trailblazer in any of them is simply too marvelous to think of.  But at the same time, is there anything else I'd rather be?

Like I said, I'm not certain of what exactly my Brave is being called to look like after having finished this book.  But I am certain of one thing.  I want to keep seeking it out.  Day by day,  One little inch of my map at a time.  I don't want to cower in the corner and just be a watcher in life.  And I want to be able to call the brave out in others.

Dear Lord, give me eyes and ears to see and hear the brave things that others are carrying out.  And please God, give me the feet to travel my brave distances that you have for me.